Yesterday

The weekend was exhausting. In so many ways. On Saturday we continued with the renovations of our house. Saturday night was spent with BIL and the parents-in-law talking through legalities on this situation (which is still on-going and turning nastier by the day.) Then on Sunday, Husband and I had an argument. It wasn’t a loud shouty one – it was a very long drawn-out marathon of an argument. But he said some really hurtful things. I cried a lot. And I was (still am) extremely angry with him.

(Please don’t think Husband is a horrible man. He’s not a bad person – arguments happen, things get said and he is very sorry for saying hurtful things.)

I didn’t sleep much last night and I have a headache. Husband has woken up with gastro which is just fucking awesome. He says he’s dying. I’m ferrying glasses of water to and from his bedside while he stumbles to and from the loo to vomit.

I really just want to be alone today to cry and lick my wounds in peace and mentally try to move past yesterdays horribleness. But no, I’m nursing Husband back to health (sort of – thankfully he’s sleeping right now) and waiting for his germs to pass to me so I can spend some time later this week hugging a toilet bowl. (And I can guarantee that he’ll be at work when I do so there will be no one to ferry glasses of water to my bedside. Wonderful.)

I don’t really feel like sharing what the argument was about right now, so forgive me for not going into details. While I don’t want to talk about the nitty-gritty of yesterday, it feels like a relief to share the reality of marriage here, because I never tell anyone I know in real life about the difficulties Husband and I occasionally go through. It feels like I’d somehow be betraying Husband to do that. But this blog feels like my safe spot, it’s my place where I can be myself, share as much or as little as I like and remain a little bit anonymous.